Real Life Moments

Happy Birthday Maa..

2011-03-10T16:40:00.000-08:00

In one of the popular hindi movies the protagonist, who is suffering with terminal illness, says "Zindagi badi honi chahiye lambi nahi" (life should be large not long). Same was the story of the most beautiful woman in my life. She lived a life so large that when today she is gone, she is still missed not only by her family but even by the people who had no relations with her. Such was she, with a big heart and had a deep influence even on people who had a very short interactions with her. She was my mom and today is her birthday. This note is about her.

A beautiful woman with an amazing sense of humor, a big heart and love for TV and movies unparalleled. Lived most of her life with problems but never ever complained. Always with a smile on her face no matter how hard the life is.

Today want to remember some incidents of her life, which had lasting impact on me. They may sound sad but they are of significance to me.

Let me start with the days when she was newly married and lived in a two room house with nine other members of our family. She had a very tough life, she saw the days when there was barely anything to eat at home. She used to tell me that there were days that they didn't even have oil to fry the most basic of vegetables at home, but she would still boil them and make them in such a way that no one ever complained. Most of her life she ended up only saving for us, so that we can have good life. And when better days came around she was not there to enjoy them.

One incident had a long lasting impact on me, when I was around 10 years old and my sister was around 3 years old. One afternoon when we were at home an ice cream vendor passed by and I asked her if she can buy me one ice cream. I've never been the kind who would crave for things but that was one of the rare times I insisted on getting me an ice cream. After sometime when I crossed all the limits, she opened her small purse and showed it to me, there was only single one ruppee note. I was speechless, though I was just 10 but I could understand the look on her face. A small tear rolled from her eyes and we both stared at each other for sometime. Moment later we both started smiling. We smiled because we both knew we can do nothing about this condition and there is no point being sad about it. Such was she who never forget to smile even in the worst of the situations. That incident I can never forget and had a deep impact on the way I think today. Like her I also find the ways and reasons to be happy or to smile even during the worst of times.

Sometimes I think that she wanted me and my sister to do well in our education so that we never see those days again. She wanted me to be an engineer, in fact so much so that I should go out of india for my higher studies. From inside I think she had that fear that I should not end up doing something where I will never be able to afford a better life. The incident related to this was one evening when me and my father were sitting with her discussing whether it really makes sense for me to leave them and go abroad to pursue my higher studies. The year was 2003. That time she was at her last stage of cancer. She made a small point and concluded saying that this is the end of discussion and no more arguments about this. She said even if you are here with me you will not be able to make any difference on my health, as I know that not a lot of time is left with me, but this is my wish and you have to do this for me. Still today people in my family think that I left her when she really needed me but the truth is I did what she asked me to do. And me becoming an engineer and going abroad for my studies probably was her dream since the day I was born.

The most unforgettable day of my life was the day of May 14, 2004. I came back to india only in the morning. By that time the cancer was all over her brain and she could barely remember or recognize anything. But when she saw me in the hospital that day, the first thing she asked me did you eat anything? My father was there and she told him to ask someone to cook beans (my favorite vegetable) and chapati for me. I couldn't believe that how much she loved me. That was her last day. She left us all wanting her more each day...

Kehtey hain..

2011-01-27T01:37:00.000-08:00

Kehtey hain rishtey do tarfa hotey hain,
Meiney kab shaq kiya tha..

Kehtey hain pyar ek tarfa ho to bhi khoobsurat hai,
Meiney kab shaq kiya tha..

Kehtey hain rishton ko itna na ghasito ki pyar khatm ho jaye,
Mein kehta hu pyar ko itna na ghasito ki rishta ban jaye..

Atka sa..

2011-01-20T01:32:00.000-08:00

Kuch atka say hai kahin mujh mein,
Nikalna chahun bhi to nikalta nahi;

Kya atka hai iski to khabar nahi,
Kahan atka hai iska pura bharosa hai;

Wahi atki cheez hai jo zinda rakhi hui hai,
Warna mujh mein aur bacha kya tha;

Umeed hai shayad, umeed hi hogi,
Suna hai chaho na chaho umeed to atak hi jati hai;

Dil jagah hai uski...

Bus yun hi..

2011-01-15T21:05:00.000-08:00

Bus yun hi ek roz mein chal pada un rishton say durr,

Jo kehtey they hum apney hain par they nahi..

Bus yun hi ek roz mein chal pada un sapnon kay peechey,

Jo detey they dilasey apney honey ka par they nahi..

Bus yun hi ek roz mein chal pada un shranik khushiyon kay kareeb,

Jo umeed thi jeevan bhar ki par shayad thi nahi..

Kehna, dilasa dena aur umeed bandhna is duniya ki aadat hai,

Par unhey tod dena bhi to isi duniya ka khel hai..

Something I don't know...2

2008-08-20T20:23:00.000-07:00

“I made you sad..right!”, I replied instantly without even thinking once, “No you didn’t”. Next question came instantly, rather comment, “You are lying!!”, I thought of course I am lying, but replied “No I’m not!”. End of discussion.

After sometime when I was thinking about this incident (read short discussion), I realized no one makes anyone sad. No one can ever make anyone sad or I would say no one can make anyone even happy. It is our own heart, which decides when it wants to be sad or happy. If not then why one single incident makes some sad and it makes some happy? That depends on the kind of feeling we attach with that thing/person. But then how can we blame that particular person or incident for which we are sad. The only one whom we can blame or give credit to is us or here I should say myself.

I don’t know why I am writing this, but I do know that when I replied that I am not lieing, I was correct (by mistake). That person didn’t make me sad….!

Something..I don't know!

2008-07-21T21:56:00.000-07:00

People change with time - their thinking changes, their way of handling issues, and so does their reaction to various problems. A lot of things change in a person’s life with time. For instance, a two years younger Vinay would react in a different way to a similar event as compared to the present day person that he is.

I do not know why this happens, however, when I was discussing this with my friend, that person mentioned, “because you change with time even though this change is not a conscious one.”

I think at a sub-conscious level you do want to change always. For instance, if you are short tempered, somewhere deep in your heart you want to be calm, if you are too depressed as a person you want to be fun-loving, etc.

This is a sub conscious expression of emotions, because if your conscious everyday mind had wanted to be fun loving then you would never react otherwise.

I was just sitting around today and was thinking about a few years into my recent past. To be precise, I was thinking of the time before Ma, and to be honest I love the memories of that Vinay.

He was carefree, he would not get depressed easily and would not worry too much about various day-to-day activities.

But as I look at him now, I see a different person - he has changed. Mind you- he is not depressed but his approach/reaction to problems has changed. Not exactly the way of thinking, but the opinion about different subjects has changed. As a human being, he cares more about things around than earlier.

But if I think about this in another way, I would say you always love your past. After a couple of years I’ll love and cherish the present Vinay and will be thinking I should have been like that, or life should have been like that. The reason behind this being, you always carry the happy and easy times with you in future. And you carry problems and troubled times as experience.

Safety Is A Relative Term!

2008-03-27T01:33:00.000-07:00

I was once in conversation with the Director of Regulatory Affairs at the Association of European Vehicle Manufacturers (ACEA) when he mentioned, “Safety is a relative term” and definition of safety changes with time. He went on to explain that safety a decade ago in western countries was to save more and more lives in a road accident. The current definition, he continued, of road safety is to reduce the injury level, which implies that saving the life of an occupant is the obvious fact and in the future, safety will mean to completely avoid the accident. He attributed this change in the “definition of safety” to the stringent regulations and to the various voluntary agreements signed between automakers and the regulatory board. While he was speaking from a European perspective, I began thinking about the “Safety Scene” in the Indian automobile sector – the Indian perspective, if you please! I was awed by what he shared with me, because I was thinking entirely in different direction.

What does safety mean to us in India as a market? The reply to this one translates into a simple equation, which makes more money equal to more safety in your vehicle. As a customer even if I want a car equipped with basic safety features from the Indian car market I must shell out more. Safety therefore is simply “optional” not standard. While on one hand in western countries basic safety is a mandatory part and apart from this parcel of an automobile includes systems such as the airbags, ABS and seatbelt pre-tensioners as standard features. On the other hand even as we race towards the target of “cars for everyone” in India, cars costing less than five lakh rupees don’t even aim to provide the basic safety features, leave alone installing the abovementioned systems as standard. Even customers spending a whopping nine to ten lakhs on their fancy SUVs or the hardy pickup trucks are left high and dry as far as safety features are concerned. So do we really as a society want to think that safety should be only for elite?

If there is legislation passed by the union ministry making it mandatory for the automakers to adhere to certain stringent safety regulations, a significant loss of lives can be prevented. Having said that however, I understand that India is a price sensitive market and it will be difficult for the automakers to compete on the prices of these systems. The rational solutions could range from canalizing funds being utilized to make “cheap” models into extensive research and development of cost effective public transport system to an extent that it becomes a viable option preferred to owning a personal vehicle. The new small cars do not stand a chance in any of the crash tests conducted in western countries or of facing the more stringent Indian safety regulations in a few years from now.

Automakers will most definitely need to think of state of the traffic and the safety of the people before launching new vehicles. The truth is no matter how cheap you make a car not a lot of people will be benefited by this, given the ever increasing fuel prices and road congestions. There is a vicious infrastructural cycle that needs to be dealt with first.

In the automobile world, a vehicle lacking a safety system is considered to be a death trap waiting to spring, this would be clearer if we were to imagine a full frontal crash of the new ultra small TATA Nano with an SUV or a bigger vehicle. I am sure this is a point that the glossy advertisements have conveniently missed out on. Much more research and development is undoubtedly required. In west the regulatory bodies and the research organizations have already initiated research on vehicle compatibility where the bigger car absorbs as much crash energy as smaller car does. On the contrary in India we don’t even have a under-run protection legislation on place. The Indian car manufacturers need to realize that cost cutting is not the only option to stay in the market. On the other hand we the consumers in this market also have a role to play by being increasingly aware and asking more questions.

What we do not realize is that by making cheap cars that come with little or no safety systems, we compromise more each day on the safety of the occupants and other parties involved in a crash. Moreover cheaper cars mean more volume on the roads. Consumers who currently ride two-wheelers will think of buying cars. This amounts to greater chaotic traffic on the roads and added plight to the pedestrians and cyclists. No matter how ironic it sounds, as a pedestrian I would be much happier to be hit by a two-wheeler rather than a car – whether it is big or super small. This also means the automakers have to raise the bar much higher by giving significant amount of consideration to the pedestrian and cyclist safety, who count for a sizeable percentage in the Indian road traffic.

Another important point; however clichéd it sounds is stricter enforcement of laws and traffic education to road users. A proper process or commission, which provides training to the road users, needs to be formulated and adhered to. We have to understand that it’s necessary to create awareness within road users to respect the lane system, not to speak on the phone while driving, to wear a seatbelts while driving, not to allow children to sit on the front seat, to respect the other road users like pedestrians and cyclists and to respect the traffic lights. Unlike Indian automakers western automakers voluntarily give the training on basic driving and traffic rules. The problem is much bigger but we have to start somewhere and starting at the grass root levels always helps.

The counter argument for all my above given pro west views can be that the west has been developing cars since a long time and we will evolve in the same way. My point being if we are starting out now, we should put our best foot forward. It is not always necessary to reinvent the wheel. Our traffic conditions and the volume of population on roads make it all the more essential for us to have these safety norms in place, inside the vehicles as well as outside them. If Europe can fight for saving four thousand pedestrian lives by enforcing stringent pedestrian safety legislation, I strongly believe that in India we have the potential and the reason to prevent the loss of over eighty thousand pedestrian lives on our roads each year. We can! By enforcing strict safety legislation, creating awareness within road users and most importantly by the responsible participation of the automotive industry in creating safer and greener cars. I hope they are listening.

Life still goes on...

2006-06-28T03:02:00.000-07:00

Today I am just sitting here and thinking about what people say about someone walking into someone’s life. I always have been in agreement with this, I feel yes, someone can just walk into your life and can change your world, but tell me what about someone going away from your life. Now I am thinking what happens when someone who is the most important part of your life, who is almost everything for you, just one fine day, goes away. Am sure that the person in question will never come back or rather will not be around physically. But sometimes it is really important for that someone to be there physically, where you can just sit and watch that person to make sure that that person is still there with you.

Even though you are aware that the person is still with you and watching from a distance, yet you can’t see or feel that person physically, which seems essential at times. Then you probably start thinking why this happened? What in the world did you do to deserve this?
Something tells me that no one actually gets any reply from anywhere to this question. I mean at least that is what I have experienced in last two years and some months that you don’t get any reply to such questions. Or maybe the question that I have been asking since the last two years is not the right one. And to know the right answer it is of utmost importance to ask the right question. I am not sure what the right question is but I know for certain it is not the why involved here. The more important question is “Now what?” Which means asking, now what can be done to make things better? How someone can live a normal life when a big void has been created in his life? A void no one shall ever fill. This empty space will surely remain as it is for the rest of my life. Some spaces can be filled only by that particular human being. Sometimes I think why we are not like water; in that case anyone can fill any place, just like water takes any form. This way there is no void in your life and once an empty space is created you can always fill it with someone else. But then what is the value of the space that can be filled up just like that.

Life is not easy, definitely not easy; at least last two and a half years have taught me this. But the more important thing is how you can make it enjoyable. The answer lies in moving on. But is it really easy to move on from some things? Is it that easy to forget and let go? I agree it is not. Definitely not!

But then struggling, falling, then again rising, feeling low, feeling alone, missing someone, trying to forget someone’s presence, trying to move on, trying to be happy no matter how sad you are inside, trying to learn from the past, giving, taking, sharing, balancing, loving, hating, fighting, getting back again and everything else is life. But hurting is not…and yes I am hurt…hurt till the core of my heart…this is something that god should take note of and should realise that taking away something precious from someone’s life hurts…and hurts badly…!

But I am a fighter, someone told me, “that you should keep fighting, because even if you loose you are still a fighter….” I want to be this fighter. Something tells me that my not giving up on these odds, somewhere is making that physically not present person proud…very proud!

Dark Blue Sky!

2006-06-28T02:59:00.000-07:00

One night on my way back from work, I was walking through a park and suddenly happened to look at the sky. It was a clear night sky covered by bright stars. So thought to just sit there and look at the sky. Looking at the sky, I happened to remember that someone had mentioned once that the colour of sky in the night is not black but just dark blue. What did that mean? As I sat there, I thought optimism.

Dark nights in a persons’ life bring lots of things with them, or would it be right to say take away a lot of things. They steal your happiness, take away all the enthusiasm you have to forge ahead, rob you of patience and above all snatch the zeal you have to live life.

But the sky tonight wanted to tell me something. Something important that we forget during the night of our lives. The stars and the sky definitely wanted to tell me something. Something which I have often ignored. And had a passing thought that my hard times may not be that hard for other people, but then everything is just relative in this world and to each his own pain. But sitting there under the night sky I realised then no matter how the dark the night is, there will be always some bright stars, I mean some bright people in your life that will make you believe that not everything in your life is dark. Suddenly the sky was full of stars, and suddenly I happened to rise to the belief that my dark sky is filled with so many bright stars. My bright stars against the dark blue sky.